The best Yes

(this blog was inspired partly by quotes from the book "the Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst, 
and is also an adaptation of my speaking note from NCF Women's ministry: October 9th, 2014)

“We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.” Lysa TerKeurst 

I was asked to speak at women's ministry October 9th, and I thought I'd blog about what I shared with these women.  Normally Mike is the one preaching and bring long winded, so beware, it is finally my turn! 

You see, just like Lysa TerKeurst, I’m a chronic "people pleaser", and I'm not very far in my recovery just yet. As I deal with this need to please in my every day life, I have come to discover that in general:

what people think of me matters way too much.

And because of that, I can easily lose sight of pleasing God.  That’s my biggest “pitfall” in saying my “Best Yes” to God.

Pleasing people can be easily confused by those watching us as being loving, but the truth is, we aren't doing these things because we are loving at all.  We can't truly be loving when we have our own interests in mind and our motives are to please others in order to make ourselves look or feel better.  

1 Cor 13:5 "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

When I’m trying to please someone, 
the actions that follow cannot be actions of love.

I went shopping with my dear friend last week-end and I put aside my desire to please others big time.  I decided it didn’t matter if this is a big “what not to wear” moment, I was saying yes to the pants, because I’ve been wanting these sweet fake leather pants for years, and it didn’t matter if they were in style and it didn’t matter what people would think.  It was one of my "Best Yes" moment in my shopping life.

Cheers to good friends who put up with my crazy shopping style and love me no matter what!

At this point in my life, I feel like:

The ONLY way we can all give God our Best Yes, 

is by saying NO to “people pleasing”.

 

Ok, but just to confuse you, sometimes the Best Yes is Saying No.  

I have a very addictive personality and I don’t mean that people get addicted to me (although that's also very possible).  So for me, in the evening after I’ve had a long day, sometimes I want to watch one TV show and go to bed.  

But it rarely turns out to be just one because if I sit down to watch one, I don’t have the discipline to just watch that one.  So if I think down the road and I acknowledge that I need rest, for me the best Yes is to not even watch one, because:

I know I’ll be tired the next day,

I know I’ll be cranky with my kids, 

I know I won’t have enough brain cells to do devotions, 

and I know that I'll be less kind (more mean?) to my husband, ...

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.  The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”  Proverbs (22:3)

Doesn't mean YOU can't just watch one show, but for me, not watching any in that situation would be my Best yes!

Another way to know if this is a best Yes, is when the cost of saying No is even higher (in terms of down the road consequences).

There are situations in life that are serious enough, where you and I just have to say Yes because the cost of saying No is so high.  Perhaps too high for you to follow through and you couldn't bare to live with the consequences if you said No.   

This is HARD stuff and I'm no better than you because I now have this missionary title.  In fact if you knew everything that’s in my heart, you would be appalled and then perhaps relieved that I’m just a regular human being, struggling through life, trying to make the best decisions possible with a really weak ability to stick to my decisions and also a really really scattered personality (just in case you haven’t noticed yet).

James 4:17  is talking about saying Yes to something you know 100% God is asking you to do because if you don’t, you know you aren’t following His best plan for your life and the word of God calls it sin.  

It’s not called “refusing the BEST God has for you”, it’s called sin.  There is no getting around this one.  I actually sorta tried, and failed.  So when we don’t obey God’s will, we sin.

It is God who gives knowledge into what is the right thing for you.  What I’m saying is that: it’s not enough to just follow all the rules and laws.  This might not be something that is a “thou shall not” or a rule that is written out clearly like a law in the Bible, but it might be something that you KNOW you ought to do and aren’t doing yet.  Or something you should stop doing and haven's stopped yet.  

Time for a little honesty talk.

“In this great day when most women wave banners of authenticity about our pasts, we crouch back from honesty about our presents. We’ll tell you all about our broken places of yesterday but don’t dare admit the limitations of our today” Lysa TerKeurst

In a previous blog post in April, I wrote about letting go of people’s expectations of me as a missionary in South Africa.  I shared that I was struggling with what people were expecting me to be doing.  I told you that I find it hard to know how much or how little to get involved with our ministry, while being a stay at home mom & homeschooling the kids.

Also a part-time toy maker...

Now that we are heading back to South Africa in 5 weeks and that I do not have more of calling over my life than that of taking care of the children and supporting my husband (same as before), it's hard!

And the truth is, this call is amazing, but I don't get why God would call me to go to South Africa to do it, because frankly it’s much easier being a mom here in Canada with my friends, a dishwasher, a dryer and a vacuum.   Oh and HEAT.  And perogies.

 But if God hasn’t called me to say Yes, then I better get used to saying no.

“Escape the guilt of disappointing others by learning the secret of the small no.” Lysa TerKeurst

This season of fall I admit is the worst, because everything starts up again.  This a prime time to “get people suckered into volunteering”.  I’m not saying volunteering is bad.  I’m not saying commitment is bad.  But what are your reasons?  Is that your Best Yes?  Are you doing it just to please someone, or are you doing it out of love for Jesus??

Again I tell myself, if God hasn’t called me this or this ministry, then I better get used to saying no.  

Say “NO” with me just for practice sake?  Great.  (Actually I have no way of knowing if you did you little stinker, but if you are even still reading this, you rock).

“Overcome the agony of hard choices by embracing a wisdom based decision-making process.” Lysa TerKeurst

When faced with hard stuff, hard choices, the best is to not lean on our feelings too much.  I’ve learned that once a month, my decision making process should get revoked for about 2 days (maybe 3-4 days sometimes).  So I try to avoid making decisions and I advise my husband not to put too much weight into what I say during those 2 days.

When faced with a decision like going back to South Africa, it’s not an easy thing and it’s not going to get easier by eating chocolate.  It is God who gives wisdom.  

When I embrace God’s wisdom, His promises to never leave me nor forsake me are what I hand on to.  His words breathe life into me and give me the knowledge that I need to make decisions.

On my own I can’t do it.  I can’t go back for another 2 years to a difficult situation, even though a lot of it is awesome and amazing.  But the Great God who has called me is worth obeying more than anything.  Saying No costs too much.  Saying No is something I would regret.  Saying No is tempting but not even an option.  The Best Yes is hard.  He never promised it would be easy.  But the Best Yes is the Best option. 

Is there an area in our life where we need to say No?

Is there an area in our life where we need to say Yes?