On April 15th, I had the chance to join the women’s
ministry ladies in Niverville, Manitoba (Canada) for a Spring tea event... at 2:30 in the morning (my time)! I overcame
my sleepy head, fixed my bed hair, slapped my cheeks a few times, and “voila”,
I was ready to share with them about the topic:
Surrendering our lives to God- in
missions and in everyday life
I first brushed my teeth, so you they wouldn’t have to smell
my bad-middle-of-the-night-breath while I Skype with them. I’m smart like that.
Then the funniest thing came to my mind... I’ve never spoken to a group before without
them knowing for sure whether or not I was wearing pants. Turns out I was (for the record), my PJ pants :)
As I prayed the week before about what I should share with these
wonderful ladies, God really challenged me to just be open and vulnerable,
something I don’t do very easily, especially not in front of a big group, on
Skype, at 2 in the morning... But this
is the topic of SURRENDERING
right? So I didn’t really have a choice.
So often we do what we THINK people expect of us instead of what God has planned for us.
I told
myself that the ladies would really like to hear what God is doing in our ministry
here and I wanted to make it all exciting and have all of them sign up to do
mission, ... Mostly because it would be
fun to have them all come to South Africa!!!
But God is teaching me to surrender to Him and share about what He wants
me to share, my story of continual surrendering.
(Mike would say that as a French Canadian, this should come pretty natural... This man I tell you!)
Anyway... Here we go!!!
When we first got to Africa I felt a certain pressure, real or not, to find the
ministry God had called me here to do.
Surely God wouldn’t have called me here to do the same thing I was doing
in Niverville. So I was totally open to
whatever it might be, even though I knew my primary role would be at home with
my kids.
In the midst of that, I was
really struggling with a fresh loss of identity as
a person from having left my friends, family, church, moms group, community,
... I found myself having this need to
reinvent myself, to plug in somewhere, to have a sense of belonging, a
something that defines me.
And add to that, I was feeling
trapped. When we first moved here
there was this feeling of being trapped, by the security gates, the dangers,
having to learn to drive in a different place (I get lost all the time), on the
different side of the road, with the shifter also being on the left... It was so overwhelming, almost paralyzing at
times. I really had to dig deep into
God’s strength.
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| Oh no, I am on the wrong (right) side again... |
I had to surrender my family’s
safety.
One of the first things that God asked me to surrender to
Him was control over my safety and the safety of my family. This isn't a popular thing in a culture that teaches us: SAFETY first. Actually, it's totally wrong. God should always be first. And it's much harder to do when you don't feel safe EVER. But when there is nothing you can do to change a situation, then just give it up: onto Him.
At first I had to fights fear really hard to be able to leave the house without
Mike and had a hard time sleeping deeply at night too. Living in constant fear was draining, and
still is sometimes. But I realized that
no harm that could be done to me, or my family, would have any impact on my Eternal
destiny. I was secure in Christ, no
matter what happened to us.
Ok, one thing down right?
(sorta) Now the longer we were
here in Africa, the more anxious I got to find that special calling, that
special ministry God had planned for me.
And then it didn’t come...
I had to surrender expectations
I wasn’t too impressed, having come all this way to be doing
LESS Spiritual work (in my mind) than in Canada. I was embarrassed, wondering what would
people back home think, especially our supporters.
I had to surrender what I thought other
people’s expectations were
Real or not, I had to let it go. And stop caring, because this thing was
between me and God. If He called me all
the way to South Africa to be a mom, so be it.
It was a GOOD plan, because it was God’s plan.
The minute I realized that, people started finding
ministries for me, and places I could plug in... It was so strange, because I was now totally at
peace with where God had me and I could with peace in my mind say: NO thank
you.
The following week, a man of God came to me with a word
God had given Him for me. I wasn’t
shocked that it was in regards to this situation. God was saying “stop looking for other
ministries”. YIKES. It’s exciting when others confirm something
so important. And that was confirmed
again a few weeks later when an elder here was praying for me, saying I had to
stop trying to find new creative ways to minister to people, and “just be”.
No, I don’t have a title for what I do here. And that bothers me sometimes. I bake for people. I help out where I can. I befriend people who dig in my garbage. I visit the staff at Hope Africa. I school my children. I also take them out on many, many
adventures. I pray. I write our blog. I am where God wants me, completely
surrendered and happy (most days).
And if I really wanted a title for what I do, I'd choose from this list:
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| Adventure-seeker-facilitator |
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| Pom-pom educator |
 |
| Life-cycle instructor |
 |
| Art teacher |
 |
| Recycled-craft-maker |
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| Good-food-host |
Anyway, I wanted to give you guys this message of
surrendering expectations in case you didn’t get to attend the tea party, not
because I think I’m so awesome and you’ve got to listen to what I say, but because
I think this is one of those truth that applies to mission and everyday life. We all put these expectations on ourselves
and think others have these expectations when it really doesn’t matter at the
end of the day. Because every day I
need to ask myself: “What is God’s plan for me?”
