The best Yes

(this blog was inspired partly by quotes from the book "the Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst, 
and is also an adaptation of my speaking note from NCF Women's ministry: October 9th, 2014)

“We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.” Lysa TerKeurst 

I was asked to speak at women's ministry October 9th, and I thought I'd blog about what I shared with these women.  Normally Mike is the one preaching and bring long winded, so beware, it is finally my turn! 

You see, just like Lysa TerKeurst, I’m a chronic "people pleaser", and I'm not very far in my recovery just yet. As I deal with this need to please in my every day life, I have come to discover that in general:

what people think of me matters way too much.

And because of that, I can easily lose sight of pleasing God.  That’s my biggest “pitfall” in saying my “Best Yes” to God.

Pleasing people can be easily confused by those watching us as being loving, but the truth is, we aren't doing these things because we are loving at all.  We can't truly be loving when we have our own interests in mind and our motives are to please others in order to make ourselves look or feel better.  

1 Cor 13:5 "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

When I’m trying to please someone, 
the actions that follow cannot be actions of love.

I went shopping with my dear friend last week-end and I put aside my desire to please others big time.  I decided it didn’t matter if this is a big “what not to wear” moment, I was saying yes to the pants, because I’ve been wanting these sweet fake leather pants for years, and it didn’t matter if they were in style and it didn’t matter what people would think.  It was one of my "Best Yes" moment in my shopping life.

Cheers to good friends who put up with my crazy shopping style and love me no matter what!

At this point in my life, I feel like:

The ONLY way we can all give God our Best Yes, 

is by saying NO to “people pleasing”.

 

Ok, but just to confuse you, sometimes the Best Yes is Saying No.  

I have a very addictive personality and I don’t mean that people get addicted to me (although that's also very possible).  So for me, in the evening after I’ve had a long day, sometimes I want to watch one TV show and go to bed.  

But it rarely turns out to be just one because if I sit down to watch one, I don’t have the discipline to just watch that one.  So if I think down the road and I acknowledge that I need rest, for me the best Yes is to not even watch one, because:

I know I’ll be tired the next day,

I know I’ll be cranky with my kids, 

I know I won’t have enough brain cells to do devotions, 

and I know that I'll be less kind (more mean?) to my husband, ...

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.  The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”  Proverbs (22:3)

Doesn't mean YOU can't just watch one show, but for me, not watching any in that situation would be my Best yes!

Another way to know if this is a best Yes, is when the cost of saying No is even higher (in terms of down the road consequences).

There are situations in life that are serious enough, where you and I just have to say Yes because the cost of saying No is so high.  Perhaps too high for you to follow through and you couldn't bare to live with the consequences if you said No.   

This is HARD stuff and I'm no better than you because I now have this missionary title.  In fact if you knew everything that’s in my heart, you would be appalled and then perhaps relieved that I’m just a regular human being, struggling through life, trying to make the best decisions possible with a really weak ability to stick to my decisions and also a really really scattered personality (just in case you haven’t noticed yet).

James 4:17  is talking about saying Yes to something you know 100% God is asking you to do because if you don’t, you know you aren’t following His best plan for your life and the word of God calls it sin.  

It’s not called “refusing the BEST God has for you”, it’s called sin.  There is no getting around this one.  I actually sorta tried, and failed.  So when we don’t obey God’s will, we sin.

It is God who gives knowledge into what is the right thing for you.  What I’m saying is that: it’s not enough to just follow all the rules and laws.  This might not be something that is a “thou shall not” or a rule that is written out clearly like a law in the Bible, but it might be something that you KNOW you ought to do and aren’t doing yet.  Or something you should stop doing and haven's stopped yet.  

Time for a little honesty talk.

“In this great day when most women wave banners of authenticity about our pasts, we crouch back from honesty about our presents. We’ll tell you all about our broken places of yesterday but don’t dare admit the limitations of our today” Lysa TerKeurst

In a previous blog post in April, I wrote about letting go of people’s expectations of me as a missionary in South Africa.  I shared that I was struggling with what people were expecting me to be doing.  I told you that I find it hard to know how much or how little to get involved with our ministry, while being a stay at home mom & homeschooling the kids.

Also a part-time toy maker...

Now that we are heading back to South Africa in 5 weeks and that I do not have more of calling over my life than that of taking care of the children and supporting my husband (same as before), it's hard!

And the truth is, this call is amazing, but I don't get why God would call me to go to South Africa to do it, because frankly it’s much easier being a mom here in Canada with my friends, a dishwasher, a dryer and a vacuum.   Oh and HEAT.  And perogies.

 But if God hasn’t called me to say Yes, then I better get used to saying no.

“Escape the guilt of disappointing others by learning the secret of the small no.” Lysa TerKeurst

This season of fall I admit is the worst, because everything starts up again.  This a prime time to “get people suckered into volunteering”.  I’m not saying volunteering is bad.  I’m not saying commitment is bad.  But what are your reasons?  Is that your Best Yes?  Are you doing it just to please someone, or are you doing it out of love for Jesus??

Again I tell myself, if God hasn’t called me this or this ministry, then I better get used to saying no.  

Say “NO” with me just for practice sake?  Great.  (Actually I have no way of knowing if you did you little stinker, but if you are even still reading this, you rock).

“Overcome the agony of hard choices by embracing a wisdom based decision-making process.” Lysa TerKeurst

When faced with hard stuff, hard choices, the best is to not lean on our feelings too much.  I’ve learned that once a month, my decision making process should get revoked for about 2 days (maybe 3-4 days sometimes).  So I try to avoid making decisions and I advise my husband not to put too much weight into what I say during those 2 days.

When faced with a decision like going back to South Africa, it’s not an easy thing and it’s not going to get easier by eating chocolate.  It is God who gives wisdom.  

When I embrace God’s wisdom, His promises to never leave me nor forsake me are what I hand on to.  His words breathe life into me and give me the knowledge that I need to make decisions.

On my own I can’t do it.  I can’t go back for another 2 years to a difficult situation, even though a lot of it is awesome and amazing.  But the Great God who has called me is worth obeying more than anything.  Saying No costs too much.  Saying No is something I would regret.  Saying No is tempting but not even an option.  The Best Yes is hard.  He never promised it would be easy.  But the Best Yes is the Best option. 

Is there an area in our life where we need to say No?

Is there an area in our life where we need to say Yes?

My yo-yo life

Permit me to try to demystify "home assignments" / "furlough" and have an honest chat with you about what it means to me, and possibly many other missionaries.  

At least it’s worth a shot right?  Because unless you are a missionary or have been a missionary, you probably don’t really know what the heck missionaries do on “home assignments” or “furloughs” and why they do it.

The truth is, a regular part of missionary life is this “yo-yo” between passport country and assignment country.  Some people call it furlough, some people call it home assignment and some people also call it a holiday (and it doesn’t feel like one at all).

Furloughs are filled with activities:  

• visiting supporters to report on mission work, 
• fundraising, 
• speaking in churches, 
• dealing with paper work, 
• spending time with family and friends.
  

Furloughs are important.  They help missionaries stay in touch with the people who enable them to do their mission and they provide a respite from the stresses and strains of everyday ministry in the field.  In our case, it has been wonderful not to be always looking over our shoulders and worrying about crime.

But a furlough also comes with a lot of stress.  It means living out of a suitcase for a couple of months and staying in the homes of other people with rules different than your own.    

I don’t say this with an ungrateful heart, not at all!  I’m more than thankful for the people who have hosted us and being generous towards us.  But it means feeling like a burden when you want to be a blessing, and worrying about things you don’t worry about when you are in your own house.

Furlough also means being on your best behavior as the spotlight shines on you whenever you arrive at a supporting church.

Home assignment means trying to split your time among family members and friends who all want to see you “one more time”.  It’s beautiful, but it is also hard.  It's saying "hello" and "goodbye" every time you see someone.  It's trying to enjoy time with these people you love and trying not to think about missing them.  "Yo-Yo".

As missionaries, we try to catch up on the news we missed while in a different country, but sometimes finding out & hearing all about these life changing moments we didn’t know about can almost be worse than not knowing.  Why?  Because missing out sucks, at least for me it does. 

Missing out on the babies, the weddings, the funerals

and

and

and...

Then “boom”, my heart breaks in a moment of human weakness and I say: 

“God, did you really call me to miss out on all this?  It hurts too much Papa.” 

And He reminds me how following Him isn't easy, but how He promised to be with me.

Luke 14:26

“You cannot be my disciple, unless you love me more than you love your father and mother, your wife and children, and your brothers and sisters. You cannot come with me unless you love me more than you love your own life.”

  

“Oh Jesus, why is following you so hard sometimes yet the best thing ever? Thank you for your promise that is like a balm to my heart."

Matthew 19: 29

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.”

Matthew 28:20 (great commission)

“I am with you always, even to the end of the age”

So friends, strangers, fellow missionaries: Furlough is beautiful, furlough is hard.  Going is beautiful, going is hard.  I just wanted you to know the truth for me.  I needed you to know, so that you could pray with me.  I just wanted you to know, because my Lord sustains me.  He is my my rock when everything else is moving and changing.  I could never do this without Him.  

Home Assignment also is listening to my husband giving the same report every Sunday morning and getting all excited about it and wanting to go there.  And I get to do just that.

Furlough is learning how large and how big-hearted your spiritual family really is.  It is meeting people who say they've been praying for you by name every day.  It really isn't all bad, and it certainly isn't all easy.  Yo-Yo.

Beep Beep

Oh life in Africa is never, EVER, boring.  These last few Sunday’s I’ve taken the opportunity to attend a Xhosa church (Xhosa being race/culture of the people who live in the township we serve in SA).  Every week has been a huge adventure, seeing the body of Christ operate in another language and culture!  Xhosa churches are full of life and excitement, and this was no different.

I wanted to share one amazing testimony with you from August 3^rd church service, and it’s bound to blow your mind.

A middle aged man came forward and began sharing what happened during his last week, on his way home from work.  As he was walking home and saw a bunch of children playing on the road in front of him (this is very typical as most houses don’t have yards for kids to play in, so the children play in the street).  While he was watching, a taxi comes driving towards the kids. 

To understand this story, you have to understand what “taxis” are here in South Africa.  They are the people’s primary option for public transport.   

South Africa taxi

There are 2 large taxis companies in the area and both of them are run by gangs.  There are regular “taxi wars”, where taxi drivers are shot and killed for taking other drivers’ routes.  Just a little over a month ago, only 5 minutes from where we live, about 10 taxis drivers were shot and killed due to a dispute.  Sadly the police have very little control over the taxi system. 

On the roads, the taxis completely do their own thing.  Daily, I witness taxis driving through red lights, speeding, cutting people off, using turning lanes to go straight, etc.  Basically they do whatever they want to do and since everyone knows that, the rest of traffic just yields to them.

Back to the story, as this taxi is driving towards these kids, there is also a 2 year old child on the road (who is unable to move away on time) and the child is driven over by the taxi.  The man from church goes running to the child, but just before he picks up the child, he senses the Holy Spirit telling him to pray.  So he prays for the child, picks him up and looks around for the parents.  It takes a few minutes to find the parents, but he finally locates them.   

Quickly relatives, neighbors and others gather around this little boy who is bleeding badly from the head.

After a few more minutes, surprisingly, the same taxi driver comes back and offers to bring the child to the hospital.  So the man from church jumps into the taxi with the child, to make sure the taxi actually goes to the hospital.  On the way there, the driver starts to complain about the cost of fuel for the trip, and so the man from church has to put fuel into the taxi to keep going.  He keeps praying for the child, and while sharing this in church, he was very emotional still.

Once they arrive at the hospital, the doctors do a rapid assessment and since the child is not doing well, they immediately transfer him to Cape Town biggest children’s hospital.  Upon arriving, the doctor there comes to see the child.  With the family all gathered, the man from church simply tells them that in faith, he is confident that God is going to heal the child.

Capetown Children Hospital

Just a little while later, the child is discharged from the hospital and the doctor says the child is 100% ok!  It was amazing to hear this testimony and the whole church praised God for saving the baby.