The missionary mom dilemma

I truly believe I've been equipped with an extra dosage of guts to accomplish these tasks God has given me in life.  Oh no!  By any means, don't think this makes me fearless.  I have as much fear as you and your next door neighbor combined.  But I don't stop at fear.  And I'm not a supper mom either.  But somehow I'll sing up to fly across the world with 2 kids by myself and not blink an eye about it...

Some people think I'm crazy.  I just think I have more God-given-guts to balance out my human super-sized fears.  I think it's a gift.  And for that I'm grateful.  But sometimes even with guts full of holy-steroids, a person can find himself/herself in a parenting dilemma that will knock the air our of your lungs: again, again and again.

This time, our return to South Africa was that air knocking phenomenon.

Coming to South Africa, meant we FIRST had to say good bye to Canada. Tearful goodbyes.  It is heart wrenching enough as adults, but when you have to watch your children break down having to say goodbye, AGAIN, it's hard not to be shaken. It's hard to not doubt and question constantly "Is this the right thing Lord?".

Because they know this time.  They know how flipping hard it is to live on the other side of that massive ocean and to count down the days until they can catch a glimpse of those faces again.  Those beautiful blood-related-faces.  Their cousins.  Their aunties.  Their uncles.  Their grand-parents.  

They know how long it will be until they walk the halls of that small country town school.  Until they see their friends again, their teachers, ...  And my Breath. Is. Taken. Away.

And for all the people who say: "This is amazing, your kids have such a cool life.", I think they have no idea the sacrifice my little ones make on a daily basis.  No amount of "cool" can make up for that. In fact, please don't EVER say that to anyone.  It's awful and not fair. No one does mission because "it's a cool life". So those comments are well... hurtful.  Because my beloved mini-me sacrifice for Jesus more than anyone probably realizes.  

And they have been sacrificing with such grace and even ease at times.  Maybe it is because children are resilient, but knowing their heart, I know it's mostly because they are madly in love with Jesus. They are so inclined to listen to His calling.

But this time, something was dramatically different.  Not their hearts.  Oh no.  Their hearts are infatuated and more on fire for Jesus than ever.  No something else.  Their desires, hopes and dreams were being shattered by returning to South Africa.

Even after a few weeks of being back, the boys were crying often and wanting to go back to Canada. We prayed and asked others to pray.  As Vincent, the youngest, got over the worse of it, our oldest, Raphael, was still really struggling.

He wanted to play hockey. You might say he was struggling with "earthly things" and this too shall pass.  But no amount of distracting him worked or will ever work with this boy.  If you've had the pleasure to know him, you will know what I mean. He usually only has one thing on the mind and it is to play HOCKEY. But as you can imagine, South Africa and hockey aren't very compatible.

He mourned this quietly.  Not with anger, but with genuine heart brokenness.  Including on Christmas morning, when he said all he wanted was to play hockey :(  It was almost too much for my mom heart.  My super-sized-guts were no help.

"What are we to do?" we asked.  The only hockey here is on Sunday mornings and we absolutely love our church family.  Even Raphael agreed all these years with our decisions.  But this time, we needed to re-evaluate, because we knew the long term re-precautions of this could be massive.

He could hate church.
He could hate mission.
He could hate us.
He could hate God.

or

He could think it's fine to not go to church.
He could fall out of love with Jesus.

So what now?  Well I don't know!!! This is the missionary mom dilemma.  And dad too.  And this is where we are at now. Seeing if we can find a different church, as heart breaking as it is.  Or other options of altering hockey frequencies.  There is no magic answer. They all have good and bad to them.  And no one prepares you for this.  So we pray and continue to ask guidance.  And ask that you please would join us!

Good kind of whirlwind

The last few weeks have also been packed with ministry events, times of teaching and speaking in local Xhosa churches.  There is so much to talk about, and I find myself lacking words to describe the whirlwind we find ourselves in!

Add to that the arrival of our family from Canada, and you've got yourself a beautiful chaos of laughter amidst profound ministry time that we have been having together.  It is so beautiful to share with them what we do here and to get to do it with them!

Boys on their way to go see our their cousins for the first time in AFRICA!

(We found a house walking distance from our place to host Mike's brother (Randy), his wife (Joyce) and 3 kids.  It's been a blessing to have them close by and for the cousins to bound together.)

Getting "new" hockey stick just the right size

Visiting the aquarium

Getting introduced to our Hope Africa staff

More staff, more people to love

Seeing on the map the areas where we drove through or walked through (in the township of Phillipi)

Seeing our hair school at Hope Africa

We had an amazing time walking the street of Phillipi, praying for people but of course I do not have pictures of those moments.  It is hard to describe how powerfully the Holy Spirit is working in and through our family during this time together in Capetown.

Another highlight was visiting Mawande's family in their home in a neighboring township called Mfuleni.  The hospitality we received was like nothing we had experienced before.  How beautiful seeing our 2 families, from completely different countries, background and life, come together for a meal.  That is real church guys!

Mom Fast helping getting the meal ready

The mamas and bride-to-be

Tata (grandpa) and auntie

Real tough Jets' loving boy

Mama and Mawande having a chat

The kids hanging out with the neighbors

Mike, Mawande's uncle & Mawande

Uncle Randy keeping the troops under control

Our beautiful host!

We have also started taking some very early steps to connect some of the white churches and Xhosa churches which is very very rare here, with the goal of building up and equipping the churches.

Who knows what next?!?  We await with such expectation!

There are tears in my kitchen

It was a cold winter day.  The kind of cold day where you wonder if the Earth is still part of the Solar System (did you hear Pluto isn't a planet??).  The kind of winter without snow, however, cold enough that heat inside your home wouldn't just be a luxury.  The kind of winter South Africans know about and yet still build these uninsulated houses with bricks and mortar... and without adding central heating.  (It's gotta be a prosecutable crime by now?)

And there I was,
bundled in 100 layers,
crying in my kitchen.

Heat was emanating from my electric oven.  Which meant at this moment, we had electricity.  For that, I was grateful.

Still.

Tears where streaming down my face,
hands covered with flour,
unable to shake the feeling.

The smell of bananas pungent in the air.

My hands were moving along like a well-oiled machine.  My movements were rehearsed.  My work unaffected by the tears.  Peel bananas.  Mash bananas.  Beat eggs.  Measure the flour.  Cut down the sugar, no one will notice.

Tear drop.

Wipe face.

Mix the batter.
Smile.

Tears of gratitude streaming down my cheeks like white rapids.  I was standing on Holy Grounds, in my very own kitchen, listening to God whisper to my soul "well done servant".

I found myself, serving my Lord, with something I actually loved to do.  God had asked me to bake muffins (for pastor leadership training).

BAKE!!!

Making others go "oh! yum!".  Making their tummies happy.  Filling their bodies with nutritious food and perhaps some indulging too.  He had asked me to be part of setting a feast for Him.

And He had equipped me for this moment.  All these years bare-foot in the kitchen (which HAD heat...) were just practice time.  In fact, my God-given talent, had grown with years gone by.  And not because I'm awesome (although a factor?), but because this wasn't a talent I had buried in the sand.  It was a talent I have put to use, even when it wasn't so awesome.  And those are the talent the Lord chooses to increase, the ones we use again and again in faith that He can use anything for His glory.   And so this is the talent I cherish because I've put a lot of work, dedication and sweat into it.  I tuck it away in my heart and pull it out to bless others.  

Add vanilla.
Fold in the butter.
Chop the chocolate.
Mix until moist.

I was crying because as "little" as we sometimes make these things out to be, they are far from little. Our God, our Lord, calls upon us to serve.  YES.  That is a good reason to cry and be thankful, in the most basics of ways.  No shame in my game.

I'm baking for the King of Kings.  I rebuke the lies that it's not important.  The Creator of the Universe has equipped me with good hands, fabulous taste buds and a knack for baking.  So don't mind if I cook up a storm and bless others in this God-given way, while not even bothering to wipe the tears streaming down my face.  I'm standing on Holy Grounds.

What talent is the Lord wanting to increase in you today?  Because there are tears in my kitchen for you too, for when He whispers into your soul "well done my servant".

To South Africa and beyond

Who knew when we first came to South Africa that God would expand our ministry to the "beyond" part of Africa?  Well He did!!!

Mike had the chance to go to Zimbabwe at the end of February, to join an Annual Equipping Event hosted by Global Disciples.  He had been in discussions with Global Disciples for about 8 months (met with them first while we were in Canada) and this was an opportunity to hear about their work first hand from current program directors.

About 75 Global Disciples program directors (all pastors) came to the event from 10 different countries.  (Just in 2014 these 75 men and women planted about 40 churches in their respective countries, and well over 100 churches in the last 5 years!)  Around the world, Global Disciples planted 1400 churches last year, with 40,000 new believers in these churches! 

I think for most Canadians, when we hear the name Zimbabwe, we think in our heads “ends of the earth.”  Well after spending a week at the “end of the earth,” Mike has a lot to say about his incredible week.

"The country of Zimbabwe has been struggling for the past 20 years, with unemployment now at 90% in one of the poorest countries on earth.  But praise God, the church is stepping forward to share the gospel with this nation of desperate a needed people."

Could the church feed a nation?

"We were hosted in Zimbabwe at this amazing church that is reaching out in so many ways to the people of the nation including teaching them how to grow better crops.  The church is a part of the Zimbabwe Evangelical Fellowship and it is their vision to feed the nation, both spiritually and physically.  In order to accomplish this the church uses a combination of church planting and farm training."

"They run crop demonstrations at the church where their crops are 10 times the yield of the average Zimbabwe farmer.  They have now trained 10,000 farmers, and these farmers currently average 3 times the yield of the national average with just some basic training techniques.  Currently Zimbabwe only produces 25% of the food that is needed to feed their nation, but the church believes that they can feed the entire nation by training their farmers!"

"Each day during the event there was testimony after testimony of how God was working in these servants to make disciples, to plant churches, to heal the sick, and to provide for their communities.  We spent hours every day in worship and prayer, and also took 24 hours to fast and pray on Thursday.  That evening we spent many hours praying for the salvation of the nations, praying for God’s church to fulfill the great commission across the globe.  We prayed against the evil in our world, recognizing that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the rules, power, and principalities of this dark world.  We prayed throughout the night in shifts with me having the 2-3 a.m. shift with a few other pastors.  I was amazed how quickly the time of prayer went, and in the morning we started to pray again at 7:30 a.m.  The passion in this group to fulfill the great commission seeing churches planted in every people group of earth was both encouraging and contagious."

Our hope and prayer is that in 2015 I will be able to launch some of these programs with the churches of Cape Town.  We are hoping to start with the church leadership training and sometime after that, hopefully to launch a discipleship and church planting program.  We am very excited to see where God will take all these things.

Before we break for the holidays

Coming back to SA and jumping back in has been busy busy!  And we were so ready for Christmas break.  

Staff Celebration 

 

But before we took some much deserved holidays, we had wonderful times of get together and celebration with out staff.

We drove to a little strawberry farm, played some games, and ate a LOT of meat.  Africans love their meat, so they loved this celebration.  It was so nice to be all together celebrating Jesus coming to earth.  We have grown to love our staff so much, and I'm always amazed of how easy it was for us to become part of this big Hope Africa Collective family.  These people are just incredible.

Christmas holidays means a lot of people go away.  Including our co-workers and staff.

So Mike and I looked after our friends and co-worker's 2 boys while they packed and got ready to fly to Australia.

We did some tree climbing and possibly wall climbing...

And then I decided we should make pizzas and bake cookies...

And with 4 little boys it was a bit chaos but loads of fun

Church Mobilization Update

 

While back in Canada, Mike made this connection with a great organization and has been looking into using their material for Church Mobilization.  So we were so blessed when Pastor Amos, the local representative here, said he would like to come meet us in South Africa!  He traveled all the way from Zambia and was with us for 3 days.

If he was expecting a South African experience, he got a Canadian experience!  We fed him French toasts, burgers and pizza.  I don't think he minded though.

The kids really liked him too.  He has 7 children back in Zambia, so he is used to it.

Raphael using his Dr. things to see if Mr. Amos is sick

We look forward to seeing what God will do with this new relationship, and continue to look for pastors to partner with us in Church mobilization.

South Africa speedz "tshomi"

8 days in South Africa are just not like 8 days in Canada.

It's a whole different SPEED.

But first, what a HUGE difference coming to South Africa is this time compared to 18 months ago.  Leaving wasn't easy, but now when we arrived, we actually know the person meeting us (Terry our director).  He greeted us with big hugs, not knowing we were covered in vomit (air sickness is a thing, apparently).  Bless his heart.  Or "shame" as they say in South Africa (even when it's not shameful at all.  Go figure).

Vincent "sleeping" on airport chairs

Even thought we were UBBER jet lagged and exhausted, this felt really different.  We knew the roads that we are going to travel on, and we moved back into our house!  In many small ways we have adopted and gotten used to the South African way of life.  Or at least it feels familiar, and that's an awesome feeling.

Jet lag is for real

And it wouldn't a welcome to South Africa without a few simple things going wrong.

Car dead...  Getting it revived by merciful friend Peter

But it doesn’t take long for us to realize that even though we are more familiar now with our surroundings than we used to be, there is still much for us to learn, especially about life in the townships.

We landed here on Thursday the 13^th, and spent the next few days recovering from I don't know...  a 2-day-sleep-deprivation-marathon.  The following Monday, Mike went back to work with ridiculously red blood-shot-eyes and started a new Faith Discovery Group.  I don't know if anyone noticed how "terrible" he looked (he is always handsome, I'm just kidding).

He writes:

"What a huge privilege to come back to SA and join a new Faith Discovery Group class. I love being able to present the good news of Jesus and seeing how God uses these times to build His kingdom.  Sometimes this is difficult, as we saw in our faith discovery group class last week. 

There was one student the same age as me (33), and she came to me to ask if she could leave early one day.  I asked her what she needed to go and do, and she tells me that she had to go to the hospital because her daughter had just had a miscarriage.  My heart broke for her, and we spent time as a class praying for her daughter during this difficult time of loss.

Later I couldn’t help but think how grown up many people have to become in the townships.  She is the same age as me, and yet she is already a grandmother!  She is the same age as me and she needs to already be learning and adjusting to a new role/responsibility in life that many people in Canada wouldn’t think at all about until they are much further along in life.  She is coming to study computers so that she can hopefully get a job, so that she is able to take care of her family.  I am also really encouraged by how her fellow classmates are caring for her at this time.

Each day of Faith Discovery Group, as we went through the life and teachings of Christ, it was awesome to see how God was moving and preparing hearts.  On Friday we spent a lot of time talking about John 3, and what it means to be born again.  Praise the Lord 3 out of our 14 students stepped forward to follow Jesus for the first time.

Then at our first FDG follow up group last Wednesday, 2 more of the 14 also decided to repent of their sins and turn to Christ!  I don’t think I will ever get used to ministry here in South Africa, my expectations are sadly too low of God.  So I pray for more faith, I pray for faith to believe that God really can change many, that he can the townships, that he can change the city, and that he can change the country of South Africa.  As Jesus said in Luke 18, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”  I need so much more faith about what God wants to do; his plans are just so much bigger than I could ever dream.  How amazing it is to serve Jesus! 

Challenges and blessings seem to happen much faster here than at home, in just the first 8 days since being back here in SA, we have this huge joy and privilege in ministry, and the heartache of a hurting family.

Please continue to pray for us as we share the gospel and minister to the Xhosa people in Cape Town."

Leaving Canada: we iz confused

Today we leave Canada (our home and native land) and embark on another crazy adventure.  I'm not even talking about the 2 long days of travel ahead of us.  I'm talking about the crazy wild journey God has called us to go on.

In sum: Today is bittersweet.
Many have asked, so here it is:

We iz sadz: to be leaving Canada, our family and our friends.  We iz sadz to say goodbye to fish crackers, farmer sausages, hockey and Mac & cheese.

We iz excited: to be going to South Africa to serve and see our new friends.  We iz happy to see some mountains again & to be back in our apartment (your basement was great mom & dad, but it's just not the same!!!)

We iz confused.  We don't know how to feel.  So if we seem confused when you asked if we are excited, that's why.  We don't know what our feelings should be.  We are in uncharted territories with our emotions.  We are trying to figure it out ourselves.  And we are trying to be strong, we know where our strength comes from, and for that we are thankful.

The best Yes

(this blog was inspired partly by quotes from the book "the Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst, 
and is also an adaptation of my speaking note from NCF Women's ministry: October 9th, 2014)

“We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.” Lysa TerKeurst 

I was asked to speak at women's ministry October 9th, and I thought I'd blog about what I shared with these women.  Normally Mike is the one preaching and bring long winded, so beware, it is finally my turn! 

You see, just like Lysa TerKeurst, I’m a chronic "people pleaser", and I'm not very far in my recovery just yet. As I deal with this need to please in my every day life, I have come to discover that in general:

what people think of me matters way too much.

And because of that, I can easily lose sight of pleasing God.  That’s my biggest “pitfall” in saying my “Best Yes” to God.

Pleasing people can be easily confused by those watching us as being loving, but the truth is, we aren't doing these things because we are loving at all.  We can't truly be loving when we have our own interests in mind and our motives are to please others in order to make ourselves look or feel better.  

1 Cor 13:5 "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

When I’m trying to please someone, 
the actions that follow cannot be actions of love.

I went shopping with my dear friend last week-end and I put aside my desire to please others big time.  I decided it didn’t matter if this is a big “what not to wear” moment, I was saying yes to the pants, because I’ve been wanting these sweet fake leather pants for years, and it didn’t matter if they were in style and it didn’t matter what people would think.  It was one of my "Best Yes" moment in my shopping life.

Cheers to good friends who put up with my crazy shopping style and love me no matter what!

At this point in my life, I feel like:

The ONLY way we can all give God our Best Yes, 

is by saying NO to “people pleasing”.

 

Ok, but just to confuse you, sometimes the Best Yes is Saying No.  

I have a very addictive personality and I don’t mean that people get addicted to me (although that's also very possible).  So for me, in the evening after I’ve had a long day, sometimes I want to watch one TV show and go to bed.  

But it rarely turns out to be just one because if I sit down to watch one, I don’t have the discipline to just watch that one.  So if I think down the road and I acknowledge that I need rest, for me the best Yes is to not even watch one, because:

I know I’ll be tired the next day,

I know I’ll be cranky with my kids, 

I know I won’t have enough brain cells to do devotions, 

and I know that I'll be less kind (more mean?) to my husband, ...

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.  The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”  Proverbs (22:3)

Doesn't mean YOU can't just watch one show, but for me, not watching any in that situation would be my Best yes!

Another way to know if this is a best Yes, is when the cost of saying No is even higher (in terms of down the road consequences).

There are situations in life that are serious enough, where you and I just have to say Yes because the cost of saying No is so high.  Perhaps too high for you to follow through and you couldn't bare to live with the consequences if you said No.   

This is HARD stuff and I'm no better than you because I now have this missionary title.  In fact if you knew everything that’s in my heart, you would be appalled and then perhaps relieved that I’m just a regular human being, struggling through life, trying to make the best decisions possible with a really weak ability to stick to my decisions and also a really really scattered personality (just in case you haven’t noticed yet).

James 4:17  is talking about saying Yes to something you know 100% God is asking you to do because if you don’t, you know you aren’t following His best plan for your life and the word of God calls it sin.  

It’s not called “refusing the BEST God has for you”, it’s called sin.  There is no getting around this one.  I actually sorta tried, and failed.  So when we don’t obey God’s will, we sin.

It is God who gives knowledge into what is the right thing for you.  What I’m saying is that: it’s not enough to just follow all the rules and laws.  This might not be something that is a “thou shall not” or a rule that is written out clearly like a law in the Bible, but it might be something that you KNOW you ought to do and aren’t doing yet.  Or something you should stop doing and haven's stopped yet.  

Time for a little honesty talk.

“In this great day when most women wave banners of authenticity about our pasts, we crouch back from honesty about our presents. We’ll tell you all about our broken places of yesterday but don’t dare admit the limitations of our today” Lysa TerKeurst

In a previous blog post in April, I wrote about letting go of people’s expectations of me as a missionary in South Africa.  I shared that I was struggling with what people were expecting me to be doing.  I told you that I find it hard to know how much or how little to get involved with our ministry, while being a stay at home mom & homeschooling the kids.

Also a part-time toy maker...

Now that we are heading back to South Africa in 5 weeks and that I do not have more of calling over my life than that of taking care of the children and supporting my husband (same as before), it's hard!

And the truth is, this call is amazing, but I don't get why God would call me to go to South Africa to do it, because frankly it’s much easier being a mom here in Canada with my friends, a dishwasher, a dryer and a vacuum.   Oh and HEAT.  And perogies.

 But if God hasn’t called me to say Yes, then I better get used to saying no.

“Escape the guilt of disappointing others by learning the secret of the small no.” Lysa TerKeurst

This season of fall I admit is the worst, because everything starts up again.  This a prime time to “get people suckered into volunteering”.  I’m not saying volunteering is bad.  I’m not saying commitment is bad.  But what are your reasons?  Is that your Best Yes?  Are you doing it just to please someone, or are you doing it out of love for Jesus??

Again I tell myself, if God hasn’t called me this or this ministry, then I better get used to saying no.  

Say “NO” with me just for practice sake?  Great.  (Actually I have no way of knowing if you did you little stinker, but if you are even still reading this, you rock).

“Overcome the agony of hard choices by embracing a wisdom based decision-making process.” Lysa TerKeurst

When faced with hard stuff, hard choices, the best is to not lean on our feelings too much.  I’ve learned that once a month, my decision making process should get revoked for about 2 days (maybe 3-4 days sometimes).  So I try to avoid making decisions and I advise my husband not to put too much weight into what I say during those 2 days.

When faced with a decision like going back to South Africa, it’s not an easy thing and it’s not going to get easier by eating chocolate.  It is God who gives wisdom.  

When I embrace God’s wisdom, His promises to never leave me nor forsake me are what I hand on to.  His words breathe life into me and give me the knowledge that I need to make decisions.

On my own I can’t do it.  I can’t go back for another 2 years to a difficult situation, even though a lot of it is awesome and amazing.  But the Great God who has called me is worth obeying more than anything.  Saying No costs too much.  Saying No is something I would regret.  Saying No is tempting but not even an option.  The Best Yes is hard.  He never promised it would be easy.  But the Best Yes is the Best option. 

Is there an area in our life where we need to say No?

Is there an area in our life where we need to say Yes?