The missionary mom dilemma

I truly believe I've been equipped with an extra dosage of guts to accomplish these tasks God has given me in life.  Oh no!  By any means, don't think this makes me fearless.  I have as much fear as you and your next door neighbor combined.  But I don't stop at fear.  And I'm not a supper mom either.  But somehow I'll sing up to fly across the world with 2 kids by myself and not blink an eye about it...

Some people think I'm crazy.  I just think I have more God-given-guts to balance out my human super-sized fears.  I think it's a gift.  And for that I'm grateful.  But sometimes even with guts full of holy-steroids, a person can find himself/herself in a parenting dilemma that will knock the air our of your lungs: again, again and again.

This time, our return to South Africa was that air knocking phenomenon.

Coming to South Africa, meant we FIRST had to say good bye to Canada. Tearful goodbyes.  It is heart wrenching enough as adults, but when you have to watch your children break down having to say goodbye, AGAIN, it's hard not to be shaken. It's hard to not doubt and question constantly "Is this the right thing Lord?".

Because they know this time.  They know how flipping hard it is to live on the other side of that massive ocean and to count down the days until they can catch a glimpse of those faces again.  Those beautiful blood-related-faces.  Their cousins.  Their aunties.  Their uncles.  Their grand-parents.  

They know how long it will be until they walk the halls of that small country town school.  Until they see their friends again, their teachers, ...  And my Breath. Is. Taken. Away.

And for all the people who say: "This is amazing, your kids have such a cool life.", I think they have no idea the sacrifice my little ones make on a daily basis.  No amount of "cool" can make up for that. In fact, please don't EVER say that to anyone.  It's awful and not fair. No one does mission because "it's a cool life". So those comments are well... hurtful.  Because my beloved mini-me sacrifice for Jesus more than anyone probably realizes.  

And they have been sacrificing with such grace and even ease at times.  Maybe it is because children are resilient, but knowing their heart, I know it's mostly because they are madly in love with Jesus. They are so inclined to listen to His calling.

But this time, something was dramatically different.  Not their hearts.  Oh no.  Their hearts are infatuated and more on fire for Jesus than ever.  No something else.  Their desires, hopes and dreams were being shattered by returning to South Africa.

Even after a few weeks of being back, the boys were crying often and wanting to go back to Canada. We prayed and asked others to pray.  As Vincent, the youngest, got over the worse of it, our oldest, Raphael, was still really struggling.

He wanted to play hockey. You might say he was struggling with "earthly things" and this too shall pass.  But no amount of distracting him worked or will ever work with this boy.  If you've had the pleasure to know him, you will know what I mean. He usually only has one thing on the mind and it is to play HOCKEY. But as you can imagine, South Africa and hockey aren't very compatible.

He mourned this quietly.  Not with anger, but with genuine heart brokenness.  Including on Christmas morning, when he said all he wanted was to play hockey :(  It was almost too much for my mom heart.  My super-sized-guts were no help.

"What are we to do?" we asked.  The only hockey here is on Sunday mornings and we absolutely love our church family.  Even Raphael agreed all these years with our decisions.  But this time, we needed to re-evaluate, because we knew the long term re-precautions of this could be massive.

He could hate church.
He could hate mission.
He could hate us.
He could hate God.

or

He could think it's fine to not go to church.
He could fall out of love with Jesus.

So what now?  Well I don't know!!! This is the missionary mom dilemma.  And dad too.  And this is where we are at now. Seeing if we can find a different church, as heart breaking as it is.  Or other options of altering hockey frequencies.  There is no magic answer. They all have good and bad to them.  And no one prepares you for this.  So we pray and continue to ask guidance.  And ask that you please would join us!

Meet Portia

Meet my friend Portia.  I met her in March during street team.  She was helping her neighbor who is renovating her house.

Portia has been coming to our Hope Africa office for some time now, visiting our prayer room for much needed prayers, counsel and love.  She told me: "I always feel so much better after [they] pray for me and can sleep."  She also said how she feels "happy and able to not focus on everything that is going wrong for a few hours" after receiving prayers from our staff.

Portia has a 6 year old son, who's father chooses not to be in the least involved.  He wanted nothing to do with the child since he found out Portia was pregnant.  You see, dads don't have to help their children financially here as they do in Canada.  They can just pretend they don't have them, leaving the women to take care of their children alone.  

Portia lives with her son in a small shack with no running water, no fridge & hardly enough space for the double bed they share.  When I visited her, there was no place to sit inside, so we ended up chatting outside, sitting on the ground.

Without a job or a way to make money & desperate to be loved, this leaves Portia at the mercy of not-good-for-you-men.  It's not hard to understand why a woman like her would stay in an abusive relationship(s) "just not to be alone" or for the few dollars this person might provide.

Helpless situations birth hopeless choices.

For Portia, her life is at a cross road right now.  We have offered for her to join our programs at Hope Africa, so that she can learn skills and get a job.  During her time with us, she would also grow as a person, and learn to stand on her two feet better.  She would meet Jesus in a new way as well.  But for many students like Portia, when their lives have been in pieces for so long, it's not as easy as one would think for them to take hold of the hand that is trying to help them. Truly help them.

There are always more obstacles than we can foresee.  Some real, some not.  People like Portia are so used to things not going their way, so used to failure, that sometimes it's easier not to try at all. Especially when it sounds too good to be true.

After discussing our programs and having her promise to come on the following Monday, the day our Life Direction course started, we left at peace.  I felt confident that she would come, despite the obstacles, which we had talked through (I thought).

But Portia didn't show up on Monday.  And it is hard for a person like me, who's never ever faced the kinds of challenges she has faced, to understand why not?  I want so bad for her, and many like her to know freedom from poverty.  To be able to stand on their 2 feet and tell those no-good-men to get lost.  To hold their heads high.  To feel loved by the King of Kings.

Because they are indeed loved.  And completely loved.  And as I write this I sigh.  A LOT.  Because I don't know the answers to my questions. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.  To my knees I fall and pray and ask my Papa for help, on behalf of all the people, like Portia, who are suffering, feeling their obstacles so heavy on them they can hardly see past.

With hope I say this story is to be continued.  Because you bet I will storm up to heaven's door for this woman and I know you will too!

Seeing new things or seeing differently?

It was a Thursday afternoon when I met her in the streets of Philippi, during one of our street team outing.  She looked at me and I looked at her, trying as hard as I could to hide the many questions popping into my head as to why she had a yellow-looking-mask all over her face.  And why, if it was indeed a mask, was she out of her house walking around as if nothing?

credits:https://misseuphony.wordpress.com/

But our street team stopped and started talking to her. She never mentioned it, and neither did I.  I used up all of my missionary politeness on this one, for I am very curious in nature.  And honestly, if I had met someone in the streets and invited them into my house while wearing a face mask, I would have certainly explained myself to my guests.  "Sorry guys, it's a bad time for my skin so I must..."  But this lady, nothing.

She was completely unapologetic.  I had to sit on my hands with the question burning up in my throat, trying to focus on what she was saying.  She was speaking in Xhosa, which makes it 100% more difficult for me to follow!  She did use hand gestures a lot, so it helped greatly, as she spoke to a fellow staff member (Sam).

One hand waived to the stairs and she made a lot of "BOOM" sounds, making me believe that she had fallen down the stairs and her repeatedly pointing to her sound system, while shouting and flailing her arms, made me believe that someone had possibly attempted to rob her recently. Having been here over 2 years now, I have stopped assuming that someone is mad just because they are yelling.   It did take me a full 2 years (and even now and then) to realize that Xhosa people just like talking very loud and even though they sound mad, they rarely are.  And this woman was proper-yelling!

All in all, I was only guessing, and now hearing the word "surgery" and perhaps "infection", I was gathering enough to know that this woman needed prayers.  I first thanked the Lord that Xhosa is sprinkled with English-like words that help me follow along in these types of situations, but also thanked Him that He knew her needs more than any of us ever could!

And as the Xhosa staff listened and ministered to her, I quietly prayed and cried out to God on behalf of this woman and her family.  She was an important woman in the community, I found out, while she dashed out of her home to go get her neighbor lady who had a terrible illness.  She described it as something similar to tuberculosis.

And then it happened.  Her neighbor was also sporting the same facial mask as her.  I had to double bite my tongue again and well...

Let me completely honest, as I have grown accustomed to be with you, when I say that in that moment I also prayed for my own safety and physical strength against this terrible disease.  I felt guilty for my own selfish reaction, although very human, and resumed my prayers for this frail lady.  As I prayed and sensed an overwhelming darkness, I feared her ailment was possibly more spiritual than physical and in my soul I began to pray and intercede on her behalf.

I have often prayed for God to give me wisdom, to give me eyes that see what He sees.  For Him to give me a heart like His.  Yet for some reason, every-time a moment like this happens, where I feel like the Father is showing me glimpses into a person's soul, showing me how He sees this person, somehow I'm always surprised!  Did I not just pray and ask for that very thing?  Then why, oh why, am I surprised that my Father is answering by showing me these things and allowing me to feel such deep emotions and compassion?

Our Heavenly Father is so good and so compassionate, and loves deeply and freely.  He lavishes His love on us.  And when I'm overcome with a flood of love for a complete stranger, I know it's from my Father in Heaven.  He gives me words that I could never know to speak in such foreign situation. He gives me insight that I wouldn't have on my own.  As a girl from a far away land, I shouldn't dare speak up yet He empowers me.  He makes me bold.  He speaks through me when I choose to completely abandon myself to Him and trust Him.  I sometimes feel foolish, like I might not be saying the right thing, yet time and time again I see light and understanding from the other person.  That can only be from God.

So today I praise Him for the lady who had a strange facial mask on, who brought her sick friend over [to perhaps do another facial?].  For I have seen the Lord work in mysterious ways and perhaps it was more to minister to my soul than to theirs, but I doubt it.  He is so good.

Oh, and it turns out it wasn't a face mask.  It was...  a mix of white clay and Umemezi, that Xhosa women [especially older women from the Eastern Cape], apply to their faces to protect them from sunburns and harsh weather.  It is also used a "makeup" and regarded as a symbol of beauty by the women.  Now since our students are younger, I wasn't familiar with this practice, but now I know!

I'm not only seeing new things, but with the Lord's help, I believe that He allows me to see people differently.

Listening to the Holy Spirit

As many of you know, because Mike didn't get his Visa on time, he was unable to leave to go to Malawi.  And because of that turn of event, we found some an unexpected treasure at a difficult time.  No surprising though, knowing we serve an immensely wise God. 

That week was a school holiday here in South Africa, and like we have done during the previous school holiday, we arranged a week of student ministry.  This time, it was for 3 local churches and a group of 25 teenagers (our other programs work with post high-school students).  We spent time in worship, prayer, and teachings times.  We also got to go out into the community to serve at a disabled center and do some evangelism at a local mall.  

On Friday, the last day, we took the group of young people to the beach and had a braai (BBQ). Myself (Marie-Eve) and the kids got to join and I had the opportunity to visit with one of the teenagers and hear some testimony of her week and... capture it all on video for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

It is really special to know this young lady was encouraged in her faith, together with many of the other students, and that this would probably not have happened had Mike gone to Malawi.  Thank you Lord for unexpected treasures in difficult times.

This actually really worked

Well folks, we went from “this isn’t gonna work” to “please Lord help us” to “wow God, this actually really worked!!!” in a matter of weeks.  Now that’s a lot of "..." So if you are a little confused I’m going to try to help you [*disclaimer: I am in no way liable by means of this blog for any harm caused to your brain as you try to follow what I’m saying].

So in our last blog “this isn’t gonna work”, we discussed how the retreat had gone from 25 people to now 80+ pastors and leaders wanting to attend.  We had to find a new location to host our retreat and fundraise money in a very short time.  We were blown away by the quick response and generosity of God's people.  So thank you!

First of all, praise God for bringing his church together!  What a privilege to join with local church pastors and leaders and spend time worshiping God, hearing from his Word and meeting Him in prayer. We believe that God used this weekend to grow the partnership of our ministry with the local churches and we look forward to witnessing how God will use this unity in the church (John 17:20-23, the world will believe that Jesus was sent by God when the world sees the unity of the church).

On the day the retreat finally began, we had over 100 pastors that wanted to come and join us.  Sadly we had already booked the biggest venue we could find and had to limit to 70 because that’s all the beds we had.  Another 10 still came out just to be part of the sessions during the day (I mean why not?  The truth is some of them "might" have stayed and slept ?!? But at this point we really weren't sure.  Welcome to Africa :)

The retreat was meant to start at 5:00 p.m. on Thursday, April 30th 2015, but...  Meet my friend "Challenge". Because transportation can be very difficult for people here, instead of starting supper at the planned time of 6:30 p.m., we ate at 10:00 p.m. when everyone was finally there!  

But the pastors weren't just hungry for the good retreat food, they were hungry for the Word as well. So even though it was already really late, they asked us to still proceed with the evening’s sessions and so we did. (I can't imagine that would work in Canada!  These guys are hard core.)

Our theme for the weekend was “Lead Like Jesus,” and we looked at 3 passages:

Matt 16:21-28, 1 Peter 5:1-6, 2 Cor 4:5-12.

We had them time of quiet reflection in-between each passage to mediate on the Word.  

Mike finished the first session at 1:00 a.m, and promptly went to bed.  However, he was the only person at the retreat doing this...  Most of the pastors stayed up until 3-4 a.m. visiting and laughing! You would think this was a youth retreat.  Anyone?!?  Amazing.

Here is also a short video of Mike's speaking to the group: 

The next day was filled with times of worship, prayer, scriptures and times to respond to what God was doing.  Many came forward with testimonies of being challenged by the Holy Spirit to not just talk about leading like Jesus, but start putting these things into action in daily life.  

We spent an hour of alone quiet time which is very counter-cultural in Xhosa culture, giving room for the Holy Spirit to minister to us.  

Finally as the day drew to a close around 10:30 p.m., most of the pastors decided they wanted to have another braii (what we call a BBQ in Canada) and so a fire was built up and meat was put on as another late night began. One thing is for sure, Africans love meat and a lot of it.

African Boerewors, which us Canadians like to call coiled sausage...

On the final morning people were moving a bit slower (even by African standards), but we felt encouraged in the Lord and challenged by his Word.  

At lunch time, Mike was speaking to a pastor he had not met before and asked him his thoughts on the retreat.  He responded by telling him that he had been very suspicious of leadership in general and he had decided he would come the first night to hear what was spoken, but fully expected to leave the next morning.  He shared that he was surprised by what he heard and felt very challenged about what it really means to lead like Jesus.

Now what?

The weekend is over and we want to praise God for all that happened.  Thank you so much for everyone who prayed for the weekend, we needed your prayers!  Thank you as well to those who gave towards the weekend, and continue to pray for these relationships we are making.

This is not going to work

Well well well.  Guess who's been hard at work.  The crazy Fast missionaries.  We have been busy planning a retreat for pastors & church leaders at the end of April, and it's been well... hectic as they say in South Africa.

One of our goals for the retreat is to give these pastors some rest and refreshment in the Lord.  Burn out and moral failure are unfortunately very common, and the pace the pastors operate at often contributes to this challenge.  So we won't ask them to run through the mud (although it's rather refreshing), but we want to make this awesome!

Our theme for the weekend is "Leading like Jesus", and we will be looking at a number of passages together with these pastors to grow our understanding of Jesus' leadership so that they can model their own leadership after Christ's.

But now we have a [good] problem so I decided to make a little video to illustrate this [good] problem to you, as I figured you were getting bored of my crazy blog ramblings!!  I hope you enjoy it (keeping in mind I'm no film director!!!).  

Pastor Zweli, featured in this video, is the pastor Hope Africa Collective has hired to help Mike with church mobilization, so you will get to "meet him" in the video.  Huge thanks to all the Hope Africa staff that participated in the making of this 5 minute video.

--> Pastor's retreat video  

So as you can see in the video, we had booked a retreat site where we could host 25 pastors.  However, now have 80+ pastors that want to come!  So yes, we have a good problem. 

The last few weeks Mike has been trying to find a larger venue to hold all these additional pastors.  We have successfully found a venue that can host about 65, so we are very pleased with this.  Good things people are used to sharing tight spaces here!

If you are interesting in giving towards this: please contact us so we can tell you how to proceed.  

Until then, cheers folks and thanks for stopping by!

South Africa speedz "tshomi"

8 days in South Africa are just not like 8 days in Canada.

It's a whole different SPEED.

But first, what a HUGE difference coming to South Africa is this time compared to 18 months ago.  Leaving wasn't easy, but now when we arrived, we actually know the person meeting us (Terry our director).  He greeted us with big hugs, not knowing we were covered in vomit (air sickness is a thing, apparently).  Bless his heart.  Or "shame" as they say in South Africa (even when it's not shameful at all.  Go figure).

Vincent "sleeping" on airport chairs

Even thought we were UBBER jet lagged and exhausted, this felt really different.  We knew the roads that we are going to travel on, and we moved back into our house!  In many small ways we have adopted and gotten used to the South African way of life.  Or at least it feels familiar, and that's an awesome feeling.

Jet lag is for real

And it wouldn't a welcome to South Africa without a few simple things going wrong.

Car dead...  Getting it revived by merciful friend Peter

But it doesn’t take long for us to realize that even though we are more familiar now with our surroundings than we used to be, there is still much for us to learn, especially about life in the townships.

We landed here on Thursday the 13^th, and spent the next few days recovering from I don't know...  a 2-day-sleep-deprivation-marathon.  The following Monday, Mike went back to work with ridiculously red blood-shot-eyes and started a new Faith Discovery Group.  I don't know if anyone noticed how "terrible" he looked (he is always handsome, I'm just kidding).

He writes:

"What a huge privilege to come back to SA and join a new Faith Discovery Group class. I love being able to present the good news of Jesus and seeing how God uses these times to build His kingdom.  Sometimes this is difficult, as we saw in our faith discovery group class last week. 

There was one student the same age as me (33), and she came to me to ask if she could leave early one day.  I asked her what she needed to go and do, and she tells me that she had to go to the hospital because her daughter had just had a miscarriage.  My heart broke for her, and we spent time as a class praying for her daughter during this difficult time of loss.

Later I couldn’t help but think how grown up many people have to become in the townships.  She is the same age as me, and yet she is already a grandmother!  She is the same age as me and she needs to already be learning and adjusting to a new role/responsibility in life that many people in Canada wouldn’t think at all about until they are much further along in life.  She is coming to study computers so that she can hopefully get a job, so that she is able to take care of her family.  I am also really encouraged by how her fellow classmates are caring for her at this time.

Each day of Faith Discovery Group, as we went through the life and teachings of Christ, it was awesome to see how God was moving and preparing hearts.  On Friday we spent a lot of time talking about John 3, and what it means to be born again.  Praise the Lord 3 out of our 14 students stepped forward to follow Jesus for the first time.

Then at our first FDG follow up group last Wednesday, 2 more of the 14 also decided to repent of their sins and turn to Christ!  I don’t think I will ever get used to ministry here in South Africa, my expectations are sadly too low of God.  So I pray for more faith, I pray for faith to believe that God really can change many, that he can the townships, that he can change the city, and that he can change the country of South Africa.  As Jesus said in Luke 18, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”  I need so much more faith about what God wants to do; his plans are just so much bigger than I could ever dream.  How amazing it is to serve Jesus! 

Challenges and blessings seem to happen much faster here than at home, in just the first 8 days since being back here in SA, we have this huge joy and privilege in ministry, and the heartache of a hurting family.

Please continue to pray for us as we share the gospel and minister to the Xhosa people in Cape Town."

Beep Beep

Oh life in Africa is never, EVER, boring.  These last few Sunday’s I’ve taken the opportunity to attend a Xhosa church (Xhosa being race/culture of the people who live in the township we serve in SA).  Every week has been a huge adventure, seeing the body of Christ operate in another language and culture!  Xhosa churches are full of life and excitement, and this was no different.

I wanted to share one amazing testimony with you from August 3^rd church service, and it’s bound to blow your mind.

A middle aged man came forward and began sharing what happened during his last week, on his way home from work.  As he was walking home and saw a bunch of children playing on the road in front of him (this is very typical as most houses don’t have yards for kids to play in, so the children play in the street).  While he was watching, a taxi comes driving towards the kids. 

To understand this story, you have to understand what “taxis” are here in South Africa.  They are the people’s primary option for public transport.   

South Africa taxi

There are 2 large taxis companies in the area and both of them are run by gangs.  There are regular “taxi wars”, where taxi drivers are shot and killed for taking other drivers’ routes.  Just a little over a month ago, only 5 minutes from where we live, about 10 taxis drivers were shot and killed due to a dispute.  Sadly the police have very little control over the taxi system. 

On the roads, the taxis completely do their own thing.  Daily, I witness taxis driving through red lights, speeding, cutting people off, using turning lanes to go straight, etc.  Basically they do whatever they want to do and since everyone knows that, the rest of traffic just yields to them.

Back to the story, as this taxi is driving towards these kids, there is also a 2 year old child on the road (who is unable to move away on time) and the child is driven over by the taxi.  The man from church goes running to the child, but just before he picks up the child, he senses the Holy Spirit telling him to pray.  So he prays for the child, picks him up and looks around for the parents.  It takes a few minutes to find the parents, but he finally locates them.   

Quickly relatives, neighbors and others gather around this little boy who is bleeding badly from the head.

After a few more minutes, surprisingly, the same taxi driver comes back and offers to bring the child to the hospital.  So the man from church jumps into the taxi with the child, to make sure the taxi actually goes to the hospital.  On the way there, the driver starts to complain about the cost of fuel for the trip, and so the man from church has to put fuel into the taxi to keep going.  He keeps praying for the child, and while sharing this in church, he was very emotional still.

Once they arrive at the hospital, the doctors do a rapid assessment and since the child is not doing well, they immediately transfer him to Cape Town biggest children’s hospital.  Upon arriving, the doctor there comes to see the child.  With the family all gathered, the man from church simply tells them that in faith, he is confident that God is going to heal the child.

Capetown Children Hospital

Just a little while later, the child is discharged from the hospital and the doctor says the child is 100% ok!  It was amazing to hear this testimony and the whole church praised God for saving the baby.