Mixed emotions on leaving

So we got a call today about a possible renter.  Which means we (I) need to get the house ready, depersonalized, and I'm so daunted by all this.  It's like I can't deal with any more emotions right now and the thought of taking down Raph's drawing off the fridge brings me to tears, because it means we are moving.  Never mind leaving our family here.

In the past, when tasks have felt too big, I retreat.  I'm not the best fighter, and it's mostly because I don't believe in my abilities, and lack faith that God will carry me through.  I'm scared right now of loosing myself in leaving all that I know behind.  I remember how much I became a different person when I moved to Manitoba because no one knew who I was.  There was no expectations, no inside knowledge.  It was also very lonely. 

This fear is almost paralyzing as I look at the list of to dos and can hardly get past #1.  I feel like I'm moving in a pit of soft bubble gum (any Biggest Looser fans out there will know what I mean), slow motion and with difficulty.

Mike and I had a foster nephew pass away last week.  I think the realness of loss just showed it's ugly head, bringing me into a place of nothingness.  My biggest fear in leaving is losing someone while we are away.  This obviously brought out all those emotions and feelings I've been trying to repress to the surface.  Yet I'm the best at suppression.  But the truth is I am dealing with the loss of this little person side by side with this loss of leaving as if in one breath that cannot be separated.  And sometimes it takes my breath away. 

Please pray for us as we mourn all those things.  We appreciate you so much.   

Marie-Eve

February Update

I cannot believe it's the month of love, eeerrrr, February is here already.  Which means 2 things: It's still really cold outside, and it's "almost" over. 

Our little family is finally healthy again all at once and we are thankful!  I hope you guys are getting over those germs that we all hate.  You all use that soap all right?  Speach done.

We are still moving forward and at this point we are still hoping to be in Cape Town by mid-April.  Our support is @ 77% if my calculations are right, which is a scary thing because I've failed math once before.  We are so blessed and encouraged by the generosity of people and could not be more humbled. 

As we continue to meet with potential donors, we covet your prayers.  I know for me sometimes it is hard to stay focus on the goal for such a long period of time.  Call me A.D.D. you are probably right!  So pray for renewed endurance. 

Some days are just really plain sad as we think on the things we will miss, on the people we are leaving behind, not really fully knowing what we are embarking on.  Sometimes it's too painful to think about so we just don't.  Please pray that we find a balance and know how to deal with these emotions.

Prayer request this month:
-Finding storage for our belongings while we are away
-Finding renters for our house
-Getting our passports back safely for Mr. Canada Post
-Finding good deals on airplane tickets
-Application for our Visa would go smoothly
-Renewed health & strength 

Thank you!